Things that Seem So Obvious to Me (#1)

If I wrote a blog (I guess I still haven't committed...), I’d want to write about stuff along these lines. So I’ll just start there and see if I, perhaps, continue this blog.

I don’t have the longest list of friends on facebook, but I do try to have some diversity on my friend list so I can keep a finger on the pulse of things about which people talk outside my circle. (Sometimes not ending with a preposition lends itself to wicked awkward sentences.) When news of the sexual harassment charges against Cain broke, a “friend” (if I were honest, I would use that fancy new FB designation system and classify the person as an ‘acquaintance’) wrote: 

“Bill Clinton gets a BJ in the oval office, sticks cigars in places they should never be, lies under oath and somehow Herman Cain "allegedly" sexually harassed a couple women and it disqualifies him for running for President?”

When news of Cain’s decision to ‘suspend’ his campaign was announced (and what does suspending one’s campaign mean? He might be back if his ratings improve?), the person wrote:

“I guess the media lynching of Herman Cain was successful, damn shame what politics in this country have become. Alleged sexual misconduct is more damaging than getting BJ's in the oval office and then lying about it under oath.”

(By the way? I edited the quotes for my ‘friend.’ To quote my favorite MTV young adult show, Awkward … “You’re welcome.”)

I haven’t followed the Herman Cain sexual harassment story too much. I have, on occasion, caught some of the republican nominee debates, which I find alternatively hilarious (“You know what you get when you turn ‘9-9-9 around? 6-6-6.” [Michelle Bachman]) and scary as fuck (please see previous quote). Despite my relative lack of familiarity with the subject matter, I feel like I can at least begin to field this question posted on FB.

First? No. Accusations of sexual harassment do not disqualify a person, in this case, Herman Cain, from running for president. If Herman Cain had been tried and convicted of sexual harassment (because, you know, that happens all the time), he probably would not be able to run for the office of president. 

But that is not what happened. Apparently, multiple women accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment and instead of taking their claims to criminal or civil court, they chose to settle out of court. The case against Cain was never tried.

I wish we could have learned about the women’s cases against Cain. Perhaps the fact that Cain opted to settle out of court points to his concern about what might have happened if the women publicly told their stories. Maybe Cain just did not want the publicity that would accompany such a trial. Probably both reasons and others factored into everyone’s decision to settle out of court. I mean, that process would suck for everyone.

But to address my ‘friend’s’ concern.  (I do like the person, by the way.)The fact that Cain and his accusers decided to settle out of court does not mean that the accusations should not be a part of the dialog regarding Cain’s candidacy. Yes. The accusations are ‘alleged.’ That does not mean they did not happen. The accusations do not mean that they did happen.

Multiple women did accuse Cain of sexual harassment. Skeptics might claim they were women who saw a unique opportunity to make some fast cash by accusing an innocent man of disgusting behaviors. Those versed in feminist theory who know statistics regarding sexual harassment and assault know that the crime is perpetrated with relative frequency and that women rarely report and (even more rarely) press charges against their perpetrators. Such instances of false reports do occur, but they are rare.

Sometimes men (I use 'men' as they are most frequently the perpetrators of assault and harassment, but of course they are not always the aggressors) say things flippantly with no intent to scare, intimidate, or victimize others, not knowing the impact they have on their targets. Sometimes men say and do things knowing that they are scaring the shit out of others. We live in a society in which both of these things (and more!) happen.

Despite intention, if Herman Cain acted in a way that compromised others' sense of safety and of self, having a discourse about this story could be beneficial. We need to have such a discourse to demonstrate to the women and men, female and male adolescents, and young girls and boys that sexual harassment is intolerable. The Cain incident could be used to highlight the problem of sexual harassment and encourage people to consider how their words and actions might be interpreted by others. Often, if we take the time to consider others’ perspectives, we can prevent ourselves from saying or doing things that hurt others. The people who, when challenged about how their actions harm others and do not take the time to reflect and hopefully improve… those people scare me.

Second. (And despite the tome I just wrote, this is actually the bigger problem…) Comparing Clinton and Lewinsky to a case involving ‘alleged’ sexual harassment accusations is beyond problematic.

The former incident, as far as we know, involved two consenting adults. Don’t get me wrong. As the leader of the free world, Clinton ultimately had power over the situation that Lewinsky did not wield. We’ll never know what happened, exactly, in that situation. We’ll never know who approached who first, we’ll never know about the attractions, mutual or otherwise that did or did not occur.

We know that Lewinsky did not “allege” that Clinton harassed or assaulted her.

Harassment is scary. Verbal, physical, and sexual harassment is used to intimidate, reduce, and manipulate others to do and feel something that the perpetrator wants and the victim does not want. The differences between consensual sex and harassment seem so blatant to me, so clear, that I feel like going in to more detail about the comparison would be a waste of time, words, and effort.

But then I read my FB ‘friend’s’ post, and I realize that something that seems so obvious to me, perhaps isn’t as obvious to others.

Thoughts?